I hate it when the fog is this thick. Makes it impossible to find anyone. All I see are phantoms, half-imagined shadows. Shadows within shadows.
Malachi! Where are you my friend? I've been trying to find you! I need you, I can't do this by myself...
Showing posts with label Jeremy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeremy. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Additions
Something doesn't sit right. Something is bothering me. Its not the monotonous crackling of the static on the television screens in front of me. It's also not the rattling of Violetta's nightly routine, cleaning her guns with pesticide. Nor is it the stuttered exclamations uttered my an excited Malachi as he pages through mountains of notes.
No, it is something from some nights past.
Why did the Nosferatu deliver Greymalkin? Didn't Father Carlito say they had him? I negotiated a deal with the Sabbat, not the Nosferatu! So why the hell did the Nosferatu deliver him? And how did they know where my Haven was? There is something sinister brewing underground. I'm starting to see that Greymalkin might not have been working unilaterally. The poor creature might only have been an unknowing pawn.
The Nosferatu are up to something. And the Sabbat are involved. There is something devious brewing underground.
No, it is something from some nights past.
Why did the Nosferatu deliver Greymalkin? Didn't Father Carlito say they had him? I negotiated a deal with the Sabbat, not the Nosferatu! So why the hell did the Nosferatu deliver him? And how did they know where my Haven was? There is something sinister brewing underground. I'm starting to see that Greymalkin might not have been working unilaterally. The poor creature might only have been an unknowing pawn.
The Nosferatu are up to something. And the Sabbat are involved. There is something devious brewing underground.
A Letter To My Prince
My dear prince,
I write this letter to you because I feel I owe you at least this much. Take it as a confirmation of my loyalty to you, an apology for actions not yet taken or even a confession of guilt. Any one will fit. But know that I write this with no deceit and nothing but love and loyalty in my heart. You are not just my prince, but a dear friend and the only family I've ever known. I would lay down a thousand of my lives to keep you and the others safe, and never feel even the slightest regret.
I feel little loyalty to the Camarilla itself. Sure, I understand the need for it, the need for its rules and its traditions. They are perfectly rational, and upholding them should be a priority. Yet I also know that this is not all that the Camarilla are about. There are aspects to it that I (or dare I even say we) do not really agree with. Our Malkavian 'weakness' grants us the special ability to see through the smoke that clouds everyone else's eyes. This is why we are so mistrusted in this organisation... because we can see the truths they try to keep from us. We can see the lies in their doctrine. And I know it is not just I who sees this. How can we not see it? Our Tabitha is the very embodiment of this truth!
EVERYTHING WILL COME TO AN END.
Is this not the perfect paradox? Finally we've achieved what every mortal wishes for, only to have it sucked from us one fateful night. I have no doubt that if they could, every clan in the Camarilla would wipe us out completely. It is only because they fear the violence of our retribution should they fail that they do not try. We are more hated and mistrusted than even the Nosferatu.
That being said, please do not assume that I feel any sympathy for the Sabbat. I despise them with every part of my being. I abhor their callous violence and their disregard for their own humanity. I remember that you once taught me about the struggle between the beast and the man inside of us. I'd go as far as saying it is a struggle between life and death. There still burns some life in our corpses, and it is this life that gives us our conscience, our morality. The death in us strives to cause only more death.
To be honest, in light of the auguries around us all the sect squabbles seem quite pathetic. Like children fighting on a playground.
So, to come to the point of this letter. I wish for you to know that any actions I might take in the future, no matter how they look, are taken for the good of our clan. Everything I do I do for you, my dear prince. If I keep any secrets from you it will be because I feel that these secrets will put the bearer of them in great jeopardy. If I take any actions that seem disagreeable I will be because I feel that they will grant us more time together.
In short, you and the others are all I have in this world. You are the sole reason for my existence. You have shown me mercy and clemency when you had no reason to. You have shown trust in me when everyone else would not. And now I ask you one last time. Please trust me. Trust that whatever I do will be for our greater good.
Your servant in eternal love and loyalty,
Jeremy
I write this letter to you because I feel I owe you at least this much. Take it as a confirmation of my loyalty to you, an apology for actions not yet taken or even a confession of guilt. Any one will fit. But know that I write this with no deceit and nothing but love and loyalty in my heart. You are not just my prince, but a dear friend and the only family I've ever known. I would lay down a thousand of my lives to keep you and the others safe, and never feel even the slightest regret.
I feel little loyalty to the Camarilla itself. Sure, I understand the need for it, the need for its rules and its traditions. They are perfectly rational, and upholding them should be a priority. Yet I also know that this is not all that the Camarilla are about. There are aspects to it that I (or dare I even say we) do not really agree with. Our Malkavian 'weakness' grants us the special ability to see through the smoke that clouds everyone else's eyes. This is why we are so mistrusted in this organisation... because we can see the truths they try to keep from us. We can see the lies in their doctrine. And I know it is not just I who sees this. How can we not see it? Our Tabitha is the very embodiment of this truth!
EVERYTHING WILL COME TO AN END.
Is this not the perfect paradox? Finally we've achieved what every mortal wishes for, only to have it sucked from us one fateful night. I have no doubt that if they could, every clan in the Camarilla would wipe us out completely. It is only because they fear the violence of our retribution should they fail that they do not try. We are more hated and mistrusted than even the Nosferatu.
That being said, please do not assume that I feel any sympathy for the Sabbat. I despise them with every part of my being. I abhor their callous violence and their disregard for their own humanity. I remember that you once taught me about the struggle between the beast and the man inside of us. I'd go as far as saying it is a struggle between life and death. There still burns some life in our corpses, and it is this life that gives us our conscience, our morality. The death in us strives to cause only more death.
To be honest, in light of the auguries around us all the sect squabbles seem quite pathetic. Like children fighting on a playground.
So, to come to the point of this letter. I wish for you to know that any actions I might take in the future, no matter how they look, are taken for the good of our clan. Everything I do I do for you, my dear prince. If I keep any secrets from you it will be because I feel that these secrets will put the bearer of them in great jeopardy. If I take any actions that seem disagreeable I will be because I feel that they will grant us more time together.
In short, you and the others are all I have in this world. You are the sole reason for my existence. You have shown me mercy and clemency when you had no reason to. You have shown trust in me when everyone else would not. And now I ask you one last time. Please trust me. Trust that whatever I do will be for our greater good.
Your servant in eternal love and loyalty,
Jeremy
Monday, January 19, 2009
Dreams
Dreams of black skulls in empty shadows.
Empty eye sockets like the openings of gaping storm drains leading to an abandoned subway station.
Shadows within shadows.
Black upon Black.
Empty eye sockets like the openings of gaping storm drains leading to an abandoned subway station.
Shadows within shadows.
Black upon Black.
A little on the side...
The coke is barley visible on my pale fingertips. I put my finger under my nose and take a whiff. Cocaine. Nothing more, nothing less. I rub some on my gums, tracing the roots of my fangs. It does nothing for me.
"Iz good, yes?" Yuri grins his cheshire smile. His good eye twinkling in the low lit bar.
"Its good." I say. I wouldn't really know.
"Vhy you not have Vodka? Iz good Vodka, from homeland."
"I don't drink Yuri. At least not that." I roll my eyes. "You know that. You ask me every fucking time I'm here. And I always tell you the same thing."
"I don't understand you fucking Americans. You don't drink, don't eat meat, only eat... what the fuck you call that govno... organic." He spits that last word with disdain. "But... you fucking junky. Vhy?"
"How do you know I'm a junky?"
"Look at you, skin like piss on snow! Alvays tvitshy. Only see me at night!" He leans closer and points one of his thick fingers towards the bar. Violetta is standing there, scratching her arms and scalp, occasionally stomping her feet at imaginary vermin. "And look at girlfriend. Tripping off tits! Of course you fucking junky!"
"Heh, maybe you're right." Indifference in my voice, followed by an uncomfortable silence.
"Iz good, yes?" Yuri grins his cheshire smile. His good eye twinkling in the low lit bar.
"Its good." I say. I wouldn't really know.
"Vhy you not have Vodka? Iz good Vodka, from homeland."
"I don't drink Yuri. At least not that." I roll my eyes. "You know that. You ask me every fucking time I'm here. And I always tell you the same thing."
"I don't understand you fucking Americans. You don't drink, don't eat meat, only eat... what the fuck you call that govno... organic." He spits that last word with disdain. "But... you fucking junky. Vhy?"
"How do you know I'm a junky?"
"Look at you, skin like piss on snow! Alvays tvitshy. Only see me at night!" He leans closer and points one of his thick fingers towards the bar. Violetta is standing there, scratching her arms and scalp, occasionally stomping her feet at imaginary vermin. "And look at girlfriend. Tripping off tits! Of course you fucking junky!"
"Heh, maybe you're right." Indifference in my voice, followed by an uncomfortable silence.
Yuri leans backwards and calls over one of his girls. "Natasha! Vodka!" She rushes over, stilettos tapping frantically on the concrete floor. I see her flinch as Yuri slaps her ass. He laughs. "S'ebis!"
"So Yuri... we have a deal or not? You supply me with Heroin. And, If you like, I could supply you with some of the meth I'm planning to make."
He pauses for a moment. "I have to see. Talk vith suppliers and comrades. I let you know. How you planning to move the... product?"
"I've got plans. Don't worry about that." I grin.
"Very vell. I talk to others and tell you vhat vill happen. But enough business now. Time for drink." He bares his psychopathic teeth in a rough approximation of a smile. An index finger swings over his shoulder towards Natasha. "You vant to fuck her?"
"Hmm, maybe I will... and then I'll get myself a drink."
"Hahaha, good boy!"
"So Yuri... we have a deal or not? You supply me with Heroin. And, If you like, I could supply you with some of the meth I'm planning to make."
He pauses for a moment. "I have to see. Talk vith suppliers and comrades. I let you know. How you planning to move the... product?"
"I've got plans. Don't worry about that." I grin.
"Very vell. I talk to others and tell you vhat vill happen. But enough business now. Time for drink." He bares his psychopathic teeth in a rough approximation of a smile. An index finger swings over his shoulder towards Natasha. "You vant to fuck her?"
"Hmm, maybe I will... and then I'll get myself a drink."
"Hahaha, good boy!"
Monday, January 12, 2009
Betrayed
Fucker betrayed me! I can't believe he managed it so easily! All the preparation and cautionary measures! Fuck, no! This isn't happening. I can't be caught by the Sabbat! Greymalkin, you'll burn for this, you traitorous Sabbat piece of shit! I will hunt you down. You'll be a pile of ashes before the night is over.
And if my prince dies you'll all be in a world of pain! I'll kill all of you Ventrue fuckers. First I'll kill your ghouls, then I'll hunt your neonates. Finally I'll hunt you until either I or Gehenna ends your miserable existence!
Listen, all of you little shits who thought they could just toy with my fate, you don't know just to what lengths I'm prepared to go. Jeremy is just crazy, Jeremy is to scared to do anything, Jeremy is just a frightened little pussy. You'll see what happens if you back me into a corner! I'll shoot a hole through your fucking eyeball and spit in it!
The circumstances... they're in my favour. Don't ever forget that!
And if my prince dies you'll all be in a world of pain! I'll kill all of you Ventrue fuckers. First I'll kill your ghouls, then I'll hunt your neonates. Finally I'll hunt you until either I or Gehenna ends your miserable existence!
Listen, all of you little shits who thought they could just toy with my fate, you don't know just to what lengths I'm prepared to go. Jeremy is just crazy, Jeremy is to scared to do anything, Jeremy is just a frightened little pussy. You'll see what happens if you back me into a corner! I'll shoot a hole through your fucking eyeball and spit in it!
The circumstances... they're in my favour. Don't ever forget that!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The Black Sun
The hardest part is having to hide. We have to hide from everything. We hide from the Sabbat, we hide from each other, we hide from the mortals, but most importantly we hide from the sun. It is a strange thing living in an endless night. Before sunrise we close our eyes and turn to corpses. No dreams, no nightmares, just death.
And death is a very strange thing... not like most people think. I've heard it being described as an endless void, a boundless black expanse of space. I guess that's an easy mistake to make... to think of it as something that is nothing. But really it is nothing. Its a fine distinction. No agoraphobic panic attacks in the darkness because there isn't any darkness to speak of. Nor anyone to feel the panic. Do you see what I mean? No... no you don't. I see that you're confused. Never mind then.
Back to what I was talking about originally. No sun. All I want to do is feel its warm rays on my face again. The funny thing is that I've never realised just how much relies on sunlight! I want to hear birds chirping again. I want to smell freshly baked bread. I want to be able to see colours for what they really are, not tainted by the tint of artificial light.
I want to walk out into the sun!
And death is a very strange thing... not like most people think. I've heard it being described as an endless void, a boundless black expanse of space. I guess that's an easy mistake to make... to think of it as something that is nothing. But really it is nothing. Its a fine distinction. No agoraphobic panic attacks in the darkness because there isn't any darkness to speak of. Nor anyone to feel the panic. Do you see what I mean? No... no you don't. I see that you're confused. Never mind then.
Back to what I was talking about originally. No sun. All I want to do is feel its warm rays on my face again. The funny thing is that I've never realised just how much relies on sunlight! I want to hear birds chirping again. I want to smell freshly baked bread. I want to be able to see colours for what they really are, not tainted by the tint of artificial light.
I want to walk out into the sun!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Omens
02:16 - Three crows on the wire. Yesterday there were only two. One more joined at 01:36. Strange... crows aren't nocturnal.
02:18 - Drunk man passed me by in the street. He wore a blue scarf. Blue is supposed to be a calming colour. Its cold. Yesterday Oscar Vadez wore a blue tie. Coincidence?
02:34 - Strange graffiti tag in the alley way. Never seen it before. Guess I'll go another way.
02:57 - Saw another dead rat lying in the gutter. That is the 33rd this week. 33 added together is 6. There are 7 days in a week. 6 plus 7 is 13. 13 is an important number. I've dated and plotted the location of the rat corpse on the map in addendum 23-F filed.
03:23 - Blue sedan parked in front of the club. The homeless guy wore a blue scarf. Might be better to take the back door today. I'll wait here another 15 minutes and observe.
03:40 - Seems all clear. Entered the club through the back door. Exactly 7 people on the dance floor and 23 at the bar. Both are prime numbers. Curious.
03:56 - Girl in a pink and black dress winked at me. Need to make sure she won't follow me later. Maybe Eddie knows something about her. I'll get the Family to keep an eye on her.
04:33 - Violetta almost killed one of our Family with Pesticide. Thankfully the Brother survived. I need to tell her to be more careful. They're fragile.
02:18 - Drunk man passed me by in the street. He wore a blue scarf. Blue is supposed to be a calming colour. Its cold. Yesterday Oscar Vadez wore a blue tie. Coincidence?
02:34 - Strange graffiti tag in the alley way. Never seen it before. Guess I'll go another way.
02:57 - Saw another dead rat lying in the gutter. That is the 33rd this week. 33 added together is 6. There are 7 days in a week. 6 plus 7 is 13. 13 is an important number. I've dated and plotted the location of the rat corpse on the map in addendum 23-F filed.
03:23 - Blue sedan parked in front of the club. The homeless guy wore a blue scarf. Might be better to take the back door today. I'll wait here another 15 minutes and observe.
03:40 - Seems all clear. Entered the club through the back door. Exactly 7 people on the dance floor and 23 at the bar. Both are prime numbers. Curious.
03:56 - Girl in a pink and black dress winked at me. Need to make sure she won't follow me later. Maybe Eddie knows something about her. I'll get the Family to keep an eye on her.
04:33 - Violetta almost killed one of our Family with Pesticide. Thankfully the Brother survived. I need to tell her to be more careful. They're fragile.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bloodflowers blooming
The bloodflowers are blooming,
He saw,the end of nights is looming.
A conspiracy of circumstance.
Whats the matter Jeremy?
Why so bleak?
Your face is pale,
Your veins are showing,
Death colours your cheek.
Did the madness get you down?
Are those not friendly voices that speak?
Look out behind you!
In the shadow, something moved!
Is this not the unlife you seek?
Stop being such a pussy!
Your mind is like water, spilling over its cup.
Grab your gun,
Its time to fuck shit up!
The end of nights is looming,
He said,
The bloodlfowers are blooming.
A conspiracy of circumstance.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
...when circumstances make death imminent...
There's a thin paper wall in front of me. So thin that it feels like the slightest breeze will tear it to shreds. Behind I can see shapes writhing. Backs and legs and shoulders. Fingernails and teeth. A mass of flesh. An orgy of conspiracies. Shadowed heads look up from the huddle, sharp beaks threatening to pierce the skin separating us. But they never do. They always turn back to their secrets. I can't touch the paper. Its too far, I can't reach it!
Fucking circumstances. There are no circumstances! It wasn't circumstance that raped Faith's memories. It wasn't circumstance that delayed the shipment of explosives. It wasn't a fucking circumstance that blew up the bell tower!
Why do they keep saying that word. Its haunting me! Voices in the dark whisper it. Everyone but me knows the truth and they mock me! They mock me with their little jokes. I'm just a clown to them. Crazy Jeremy, let's play a trick on him. Let's see him squirm. Trick or fucking treat! Fuckers!
The first time it surfaced in my mind like a jellyfish through black harbour waters. Then Faith said it. Then Eddie. Then that Russian cock-sucker Yuri!
What are you afraid of Jeremy? You've got a gun, have some fun!
We're a community of circumstances. Motherfucking circumstances!
Fucking circumstances. There are no circumstances! It wasn't circumstance that raped Faith's memories. It wasn't circumstance that delayed the shipment of explosives. It wasn't a fucking circumstance that blew up the bell tower!
Why do they keep saying that word. Its haunting me! Voices in the dark whisper it. Everyone but me knows the truth and they mock me! They mock me with their little jokes. I'm just a clown to them. Crazy Jeremy, let's play a trick on him. Let's see him squirm. Trick or fucking treat! Fuckers!
The first time it surfaced in my mind like a jellyfish through black harbour waters. Then Faith said it. Then Eddie. Then that Russian cock-sucker Yuri!
What are you afraid of Jeremy? You've got a gun, have some fun!
We're a community of circumstances. Motherfucking circumstances!
Monday, November 24, 2008
My darling...
"Lately it has been getting more and more difficult to distinguish friend from foe", I say as I light a cigarette. "Those motherfuckers have infiltrated us deeper than we expected! I came close to final death when that tower went up... too close!"
Violetta stares at me, fear radiating from her eyes. I lean forward. "I'm not going to let them get you, my darling, I'll keep you safe." I whisper to her, trying to sound reassuring.
Truth be told, I don't know if I can keep her safe. I think I'm in way over my head. Not only am I trying to save my dear prince's rightful throne, but now I also have a neonate to take care of! Our fates are bound, sire and childe, just like Eddie and I. No fucking around here, if one of us screws up, we all die. Fuck, this is all going down the shitter faster than I expected.
I used to think I knew who were my enemies and who were my friends. The Sabbat are bad, the Camarilla are good. Simple as that. Was I wrong! Those Ventrue scare me more than anyone!
"There are only those who want to kill us now, and those who want to kill us later. If you remember anything my darling, remember this... Trust no one!" She still looks spooked. My rambling isn't calming her down. "We have to stick together, you and I. We are bound." I suck deeply at the filter. Smoking has no effect on me anymore unfortunately, but hey, old habits die hard. "I'll take care of you little one, don't worry."
Violetta stares at me, fear radiating from her eyes. I lean forward. "I'm not going to let them get you, my darling, I'll keep you safe." I whisper to her, trying to sound reassuring.
Truth be told, I don't know if I can keep her safe. I think I'm in way over my head. Not only am I trying to save my dear prince's rightful throne, but now I also have a neonate to take care of! Our fates are bound, sire and childe, just like Eddie and I. No fucking around here, if one of us screws up, we all die. Fuck, this is all going down the shitter faster than I expected.
I used to think I knew who were my enemies and who were my friends. The Sabbat are bad, the Camarilla are good. Simple as that. Was I wrong! Those Ventrue scare me more than anyone!
"There are only those who want to kill us now, and those who want to kill us later. If you remember anything my darling, remember this... Trust no one!" She still looks spooked. My rambling isn't calming her down. "We have to stick together, you and I. We are bound." I suck deeply at the filter. Smoking has no effect on me anymore unfortunately, but hey, old habits die hard. "I'll take care of you little one, don't worry."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Violetta addresses the heroin room
To all those who serve and love my Master,
As you might have noticed our master has come to visit us less and less in the last couple of nights. This is not because he loves us less. Indeed his boundless love for his followers has done nothing but grow stronger. It is because there are people out there who wish him harm! Yes, there are fiends out there, fuckwits who want to take our dear sweet master away from us, to rob us of his dark love. We cannot let this happen!
Our master, in his divine wisdom, has instructed us to keep watch. Watch who comes in and out of the club, survey the bus lines and keep and eye open for any suspicious activity. If you see anyone who doesn't belong, DO NOT engage. No matter how tempting it is to pump some lead into those motherfuckers. This is direct order from the master. Those who disobey him will be punished!
We will work in shifts. One group will be on TV duty, and the other will do surveillance. Those that watch, report anything strange to me immediately. I will then tell the master.
Our master needs us in these trying nights. And we need to show him how much we love him, he needs to taste our love in our blood. For our master!
Violetta
As you might have noticed our master has come to visit us less and less in the last couple of nights. This is not because he loves us less. Indeed his boundless love for his followers has done nothing but grow stronger. It is because there are people out there who wish him harm! Yes, there are fiends out there, fuckwits who want to take our dear sweet master away from us, to rob us of his dark love. We cannot let this happen!
Our master, in his divine wisdom, has instructed us to keep watch. Watch who comes in and out of the club, survey the bus lines and keep and eye open for any suspicious activity. If you see anyone who doesn't belong, DO NOT engage. No matter how tempting it is to pump some lead into those motherfuckers. This is direct order from the master. Those who disobey him will be punished!
We will work in shifts. One group will be on TV duty, and the other will do surveillance. Those that watch, report anything strange to me immediately. I will then tell the master.
Our master needs us in these trying nights. And we need to show him how much we love him, he needs to taste our love in our blood. For our master!
Violetta
Monday, October 27, 2008
Address in the heroin room
My brothers and sisters, my friends, hear me now. Our nights have been a great success. We've cleansed the streets with fire, we've shown those who conspire against us that the flame of righteousness is on our side, we've burnt our signal into the sky and hailed the moon with our war cry! We've accomplished much. But they're strong and they'll be back for us. They'll send their assassins slit our throats and cut out our hearts.
My friends, we need to be carefull. We need to listen to those who speak to us from shadows and the wisdom of the winds. I've installed 18 televisions in this room so me may see the truth and the lies that are broadcast to us everyday. 7 tuned to dead channels, for 7 is the number of God and we may see his equations in the static. 6 tuned to channels that show the sins of the flesh, sins of the mind and the sins of greed, for 6 is the number of the beast and its pull should not wholly be denied. 5 to monitor the news and the events that happen, for 5 is the number of man and blind he is to the part he plays in the plot against us.
The drugs and my words will let you see the truth. Don't be fooled by the lies that are told to you. They'll try to fuck with your mind, to make you blind to the shadows that follow you. Don't listen to them! Be cautious of the water you drink. Fear those who take familiar skins to lure you into telling them my secrets. Tell no one of my words, or I will fuck you over!
Be loyal and make blood sacrifices to me and one day I will reward you with discipleship as I have my dear Violetta. She is my apostle and will serve as my voice in my absence.
Now my friends, let us celebrate our success!
My friends, we need to be carefull. We need to listen to those who speak to us from shadows and the wisdom of the winds. I've installed 18 televisions in this room so me may see the truth and the lies that are broadcast to us everyday. 7 tuned to dead channels, for 7 is the number of God and we may see his equations in the static. 6 tuned to channels that show the sins of the flesh, sins of the mind and the sins of greed, for 6 is the number of the beast and its pull should not wholly be denied. 5 to monitor the news and the events that happen, for 5 is the number of man and blind he is to the part he plays in the plot against us.
The drugs and my words will let you see the truth. Don't be fooled by the lies that are told to you. They'll try to fuck with your mind, to make you blind to the shadows that follow you. Don't listen to them! Be cautious of the water you drink. Fear those who take familiar skins to lure you into telling them my secrets. Tell no one of my words, or I will fuck you over!
Be loyal and make blood sacrifices to me and one day I will reward you with discipleship as I have my dear Violetta. She is my apostle and will serve as my voice in my absence.
Now my friends, let us celebrate our success!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Surprise!
Ok, Ok... this is a bit fucked up right now. What I thought could be an easy way to score some extra prescription drugs ended with me, this goth chick and the fucking yeti himself (I shit you not!) strapped to a gurney and getting some type of bloodtransfusion or something. And now apparetly we're vampires. Yeah, I know how that sounds. I was also waiting for the camera man to pop out and scream 'SURPRISE! You're on TV'. But no, no TV crew, no obnoxious presenter, just a whole bunch of assholes who take Anne Rice a tad too fucking seriously.
Though, come to think of it, maybe they'll still pop out. Maybe this is all a long winded setup to the greatest prank ever pulled. I bet it is! Its getting a bit long and the humor is wearing thin, but boy will I be glad when they finally reveal the truth. I bet Larry King will ask us for an interview. Man, imagine that, me meeting Larry fucking King! He'll laugh, and I'll tell him how I suspected something from the start, and he'll say 'Yeah, right, thats what they all say', and i'll tell him how those FUCKING doctors always pull strange shit with you and promise that this or that will make it all better, but it never does, an all you see is the same old shit repeated over and over and over again while all you want to do is to stop having to flick the fucking zippo open three times before sparking a cigarette.
God I need a cigarette! No, scratch that, what I really need now is to get ratfaced!
Oh, speaking of ratfaces, you won't believe how many of those ACTUALLY walk around out here. They live in the sewers and feed on... oh I don't know, repair men maybe? Anyways, they're fucking EVERYWHERE! And apparently they know how to hack into your computer and read your email and which porn you look at. I heard they can also tell which fucking cereal you like just by looking at you.
No wait, thats Tabitha, the Sheriff. She can break you. In the head. Don't mess with her.
But all that is moot anyways, because I can't eat cereal anymore. Only the red stuff.
Though, come to think of it, maybe they'll still pop out. Maybe this is all a long winded setup to the greatest prank ever pulled. I bet it is! Its getting a bit long and the humor is wearing thin, but boy will I be glad when they finally reveal the truth. I bet Larry King will ask us for an interview. Man, imagine that, me meeting Larry fucking King! He'll laugh, and I'll tell him how I suspected something from the start, and he'll say 'Yeah, right, thats what they all say', and i'll tell him how those FUCKING doctors always pull strange shit with you and promise that this or that will make it all better, but it never does, an all you see is the same old shit repeated over and over and over again while all you want to do is to stop having to flick the fucking zippo open three times before sparking a cigarette.
God I need a cigarette! No, scratch that, what I really need now is to get ratfaced!
Oh, speaking of ratfaces, you won't believe how many of those ACTUALLY walk around out here. They live in the sewers and feed on... oh I don't know, repair men maybe? Anyways, they're fucking EVERYWHERE! And apparently they know how to hack into your computer and read your email and which porn you look at. I heard they can also tell which fucking cereal you like just by looking at you.
No wait, thats Tabitha, the Sheriff. She can break you. In the head. Don't mess with her.
But all that is moot anyways, because I can't eat cereal anymore. Only the red stuff.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A slight lithium buzz...
The TV is still on. Pictures of the gutted corpse of an Oklahoma federal building with the CNN logo slapped on it. Body count is at 150 and rising. Another disaster in an already impossibly long string of tragedies. Burning oil fields in the gulf, mountains of skulls in Rwanda, Bosnian widows weeping for lost husbands and now this fucker bombing some building for who knows what deluded reason. Timothy fucking McVeigh. Just what we need. 90’s insanity personified.
I hit the mute button and turn on the radio. Eddie Vedder’s voice greets me with his Gen X war cry. Not necessarily a mood lifter, but definitely a vast improvement over the newscaster’s ramble.
I reach for the cigarettes first. A wet cough escapes my lungs as I fumble for the crushed box of camels. Three sparks before I let the flame ignite my cig.
“We’re going to hell in a hand basket…” I mumble to myself through a veil of smoke.
“What’s that, baby?” The corpse beside me reanimates. Make-up smeared eyes peeking through bleach blond, pink dyed hair. Pale breasts clinging to an anorexic ribcage ravaged by reckless chemical experimentation. She was prettier last night.
“Never mind…” I answer.
“Whatever.” she says annoyed. “Half the time I have no fucking clue what you’re saying anyways!” She makes a point of turning onto her other side wrapping the blanket around her with an audible ‘Wooosh’.
I rummage though stacks of papers, looking for my pills. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother taking them. The doctors say they’ll help me, but so far everything’s just gotten worse. Granted, the drug use isn’t really helping, but at least that provides some form of short-term relief while I’m high. These pills don’t even do that.
I find the pills next to a stack of information science and mathematics textbooks… relics of another life at college, memoirs of abandoned ambitions. Three taps on the lid before I can remove it. A gulp of Jack Daniels helps me swallow. I prepare for the lithium buzz.
My stomach makes tortured rumbling noises and I decide that its time to get some breakfast. Maybe I’ll get a greasy cheeseburger and eat it on the beachfront. I contemplate whether to wake sleeping beauty or not, but eventually decide to leave her be. Let sleeping dogs lie. Even demons are scared of her when she has a hangover.
I pull on a dirty flannel shirt, smelling slightly of rancid marijuana mixed with heroin smoke. Something pokes me through the front pocket. A business card. I look at it, trying to jumpstart my memory. Eventually slivers of remembered conversations surface through the fog of my mind. Sharing a joint with Goth girl behind a dark club.
She looked young, barely 16, but she assured me she was 20. Yeah right! But fuck if I cared. Let her do whatever she wanted to do, it’s a free country.
She saw me sparking the lighter three times before lighting the spliff.
“Why do you do that?” She asked.
“Its just something I have to do. Pay it no mind” I answer.
“Do you have, like, somekinda issue?”
“You could say that.” I tried to sound disinterested and annoyed simultaneously, hoping she’d drop the subject. It didn’t work.
“I have this friend who is bipolar. She’s like all depro one day and then so happy it makes me sick the next. Scary shit. Is that what you have?” She asks as she stubs out her cigarette on the sole of her fashionably scuffed Doc Martins.
“I’m not depressed.” I mumbled. “Far from it. I couldn’t give a shit. Nah, I have other… “ I pause to take a drag, “issues.”
“Ever seen a shrink?” she asked.
“Plenty. But all they do is give you drugs. Not that I’m complaining about that.” I gave her a look that said, “This conversation is over!” She seemed to understand.
We make small talk over another two joints. Me leaning against a piss drenched wall, and her sitting on a dumpster, boot clad feet swinging playfully.
She jumped down from her trash filled pedestal.
“Well, I have to run. Thanks for the weed.”
I nodded at her. She started walking away, but then paused as if she remembered something. She turned back towards me, fumbling in her handbag for something.
“Here, take this.” She handed me a card. “It the number of the doctor my friend sees. He’s a bit unconventional, but apparently brilliant.”
“Thanks… I think.” I said.
“Oh, before I forget. He only works at night.” She gave a sly smile and headed back off towards the beating heart of the club.
I hit the mute button and turn on the radio. Eddie Vedder’s voice greets me with his Gen X war cry. Not necessarily a mood lifter, but definitely a vast improvement over the newscaster’s ramble.
I reach for the cigarettes first. A wet cough escapes my lungs as I fumble for the crushed box of camels. Three sparks before I let the flame ignite my cig.
“We’re going to hell in a hand basket…” I mumble to myself through a veil of smoke.
“What’s that, baby?” The corpse beside me reanimates. Make-up smeared eyes peeking through bleach blond, pink dyed hair. Pale breasts clinging to an anorexic ribcage ravaged by reckless chemical experimentation. She was prettier last night.
“Never mind…” I answer.
“Whatever.” she says annoyed. “Half the time I have no fucking clue what you’re saying anyways!” She makes a point of turning onto her other side wrapping the blanket around her with an audible ‘Wooosh’.
I rummage though stacks of papers, looking for my pills. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother taking them. The doctors say they’ll help me, but so far everything’s just gotten worse. Granted, the drug use isn’t really helping, but at least that provides some form of short-term relief while I’m high. These pills don’t even do that.
I find the pills next to a stack of information science and mathematics textbooks… relics of another life at college, memoirs of abandoned ambitions. Three taps on the lid before I can remove it. A gulp of Jack Daniels helps me swallow. I prepare for the lithium buzz.
My stomach makes tortured rumbling noises and I decide that its time to get some breakfast. Maybe I’ll get a greasy cheeseburger and eat it on the beachfront. I contemplate whether to wake sleeping beauty or not, but eventually decide to leave her be. Let sleeping dogs lie. Even demons are scared of her when she has a hangover.
I pull on a dirty flannel shirt, smelling slightly of rancid marijuana mixed with heroin smoke. Something pokes me through the front pocket. A business card. I look at it, trying to jumpstart my memory. Eventually slivers of remembered conversations surface through the fog of my mind. Sharing a joint with Goth girl behind a dark club.
She looked young, barely 16, but she assured me she was 20. Yeah right! But fuck if I cared. Let her do whatever she wanted to do, it’s a free country.
She saw me sparking the lighter three times before lighting the spliff.
“Why do you do that?” She asked.
“Its just something I have to do. Pay it no mind” I answer.
“Do you have, like, somekinda issue?”
“You could say that.” I tried to sound disinterested and annoyed simultaneously, hoping she’d drop the subject. It didn’t work.
“I have this friend who is bipolar. She’s like all depro one day and then so happy it makes me sick the next. Scary shit. Is that what you have?” She asks as she stubs out her cigarette on the sole of her fashionably scuffed Doc Martins.
“I’m not depressed.” I mumbled. “Far from it. I couldn’t give a shit. Nah, I have other… “ I pause to take a drag, “issues.”
“Ever seen a shrink?” she asked.
“Plenty. But all they do is give you drugs. Not that I’m complaining about that.” I gave her a look that said, “This conversation is over!” She seemed to understand.
We make small talk over another two joints. Me leaning against a piss drenched wall, and her sitting on a dumpster, boot clad feet swinging playfully.
She jumped down from her trash filled pedestal.
“Well, I have to run. Thanks for the weed.”
I nodded at her. She started walking away, but then paused as if she remembered something. She turned back towards me, fumbling in her handbag for something.
“Here, take this.” She handed me a card. “It the number of the doctor my friend sees. He’s a bit unconventional, but apparently brilliant.”
“Thanks… I think.” I said.
“Oh, before I forget. He only works at night.” She gave a sly smile and headed back off towards the beating heart of the club.
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