The hardest part is having to hide. We have to hide from everything. We hide from the Sabbat, we hide from each other, we hide from the mortals, but most importantly we hide from the sun. It is a strange thing living in an endless night. Before sunrise we close our eyes and turn to corpses. No dreams, no nightmares, just death.
And death is a very strange thing... not like most people think. I've heard it being described as an endless void, a boundless black expanse of space. I guess that's an easy mistake to make... to think of it as something that is nothing. But really it is nothing. Its a fine distinction. No agoraphobic panic attacks in the darkness because there isn't any darkness to speak of. Nor anyone to feel the panic. Do you see what I mean? No... no you don't. I see that you're confused. Never mind then.
Back to what I was talking about originally. No sun. All I want to do is feel its warm rays on my face again. The funny thing is that I've never realised just how much relies on sunlight! I want to hear birds chirping again. I want to smell freshly baked bread. I want to be able to see colours for what they really are, not tainted by the tint of artificial light.
I want to walk out into the sun!
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4 comments:
“What though the field is lost. All is not lost. The unconquerable will and the courage never to submit or to yield.”
Ours is an existence of loss. On the road of perpetual night much falls away from us. The loss of love, the loss of innocence and even the loss of our very minds. Too often we internalize and find solace in our own devices. We indulge and we prohibit ourselves to our own detriment. This is the path of loneliness and despair.
It has taken me centauries to learn this lesson but the briefest life of consequence far outweighs endless nights of insignificance. Find just cause to carry on. Look to those you value, believe in and love and commit to them your lives. Do this and you will find that you do not need to live in a world with day. For you will burn brighter than the light of a thousand suns.
You know how they say you should live every day as if it's your last? It's bullshit. Imagine you go around telling people what you really think and feel, and doing whatever the hell you want, just because maybe maybe you won't see tomorrow? You'd be in trouble pretty damn quickly.
But. If you know it's your last night, go wild. Just give me a heads-up before your sunrise session, J, and we'll do something outrageous! Looking forward to it... ;)
Such matters are but the trappings of a mortal life that must be discarded and forgotten. Understanding our nature, coming to terms with what we truly are is the key to our continued survival. We are no more men than what the sheep are to the wolf. The sun is not to be pined for but rather to be used as a constant reminder of what we are.
We are creatures of darkness and the sun destroying us merely illustrates a point. We are not human. Fail to learn this and you may give the dawn my regards.
Dear Jeremy,
It is with great sadness that I read your post. All is not lost. The sun is just a boogeyman in your head! How many have stupid people died after they lost what they loved, a girl (yucky) or a school exam or something like that? Is losing sunlight any different?
I often miss my papa. He was the only one who understood me before, and I think he'd somehow understand and accept what I have become. Could I also kill myself and see him in the afterlife? I wonder that sometimes.
Then I remember what I am. We are survivors. I can't help but feel that there is some reason why we are still alive - like we're part of something greater. My loss must make me strong, not weak. Our enemies want us to cry about what we don't have - it's the doctors that want you to think life isn't worth living, that you should give up and let them win. Don't let them! You're stronger than that! You're stronger than all of them. And so long as I'm alive, I won't let them take you away! I'll kill them all first... you'll see. Don't worry Jeremy, I'll fix this with you.
Sincerely,
John Riviera
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