Surprise!

Ok, Ok... this is a bit fucked up right now. What I thought could be an easy way to score some extra prescription drugs ended with me, this goth chick and the fucking yeti himself (I shit you not!) strapped to a gurney and getting some type of bloodtransfusion or something. And now apparetly we're vampires. Yeah, I know how that sounds. I was also waiting for the camera man to pop out and scream 'SURPRISE! You're on TV'. But no, no TV crew, no obnoxious presenter, just a whole bunch of assholes who take Anne Rice a tad too fucking seriously.

Though, come to think of it, maybe they'll still pop out. Maybe this is all a long winded setup to the greatest prank ever pulled. I bet it is! Its getting a bit long and the humor is wearing thin, but boy will I be glad when they finally reveal the truth. I bet Larry King will ask us for an interview. Man, imagine that, me meeting Larry fucking King! He'll laugh, and I'll tell him how I suspected something from the start, and he'll say 'Yeah, right, thats what they all say', and i'll tell him how those FUCKING doctors always pull strange shit with you and promise that this or that will make it all better, but it never does, an all you see is the same old shit repeated over and over and over again while all you want to do is to stop having to flick the fucking zippo open three times before sparking a cigarette.

God I need a cigarette! No, scratch that, what I really need now is to get ratfaced!

Oh, speaking of ratfaces, you won't believe how many of those ACTUALLY walk around out here. They live in the sewers and feed on... oh I don't know, repair men maybe? Anyways, they're fucking EVERYWHERE! And apparently they know how to hack into your computer and read your email and which porn you look at. I heard they can also tell which fucking cereal you like just by looking at you.

No wait, thats Tabitha, the Sheriff. She can break you. In the head. Don't mess with her.

But all that is moot anyways, because I can't eat cereal anymore. Only the red stuff.